The earliest memory of meeting this guy was when I was in my first grade. I was a competitive kid and I still remember the high I was in, when my friends and teachers praised my handwriting. That was the time I met HIM. For some reason, when he smiled and praised me, I was doubly happy. I wanted him to praise me. Slowly I realized that he responded only when I performed well in life. And when I saw him down, that was the worst feeling I had ever felt. I didnt want him hurt ever. We had become best friends.
My college days had more highs than lows. And HE became more important in my life although I never thought of it - i assume i was mechanically working to please him. When I did something bad, it somehow hurt him a lot. And the “worst feeling” got really worse with age.
And then I got married. My lover and my best friend. Really ? Here I had a friend who gave me the highest highs ( and lowest lows ) since I can remember, and I choose a new ‘best’ friend. The good part was that, HE was fine with that. Maybe HE knew that this was not possible. But HE was in for a surprise. Slowly I got tired of these lows and highs. I wanted median. And my new best friend taught me that median can be good too. Well, not as good as the highs but there were fewer lows. I told HIM this. And HE did not react at all - as usual. But I knew he realized that I am slowly seeing through him.
Now I am getting to the second and final innings in my life. I am now convinced that median is great. But HE is still there. I am still talking to him to leave me. But HE doesnt want to. Maybe HE doesnt know where to go. Maybe HE is addicted to me, and his situation is worse than me. I have sweet talked, yelled, threatened but He just smiles it off. And I am scared and worried that I might end up hurting myself if I try to physically cause harm to him. But now I hate him. And He doesnt like that. He does show up once in a while when I behave like a child. Maybe He is just a child still. I am confident He will go away and He told me He is confident He will still be around till my time comes. I just laugh it off.
I realized I never knew his name for a very long time. He was such a good friend and foe that this simple question never arose for a long time. But now that I dont for the most part depend on Him, I took a step back and asked him his name. He took a deep breath, as if he didnt even want me to know this. He started fading back from my view. But I ran after him asking him his name. He whispered - for some reason, all my friends call me Ego.
